lovely

so i didn't know there was a remastered version of lovely until my friend played it for me and i was like, "what, no, this isn't the right song" and it was stressing me out so much.

anyway, i just wanted to write a post about my favorite tøp song.

i always felt like nobody understood, nobody really cared. you get up all this courage to tell someone "hate myself and i want to die" and all that jazz and they just respond with, "awwWWW but you're beautiful don't be sad ;("

if it was as easy as suddenly realizing that i was beautiful and could "just get over" this, i would have done it a long time ago.

people who haven't gone through it don't realize how ingrained all these beliefs and pain are. i didn't just wake up one day thinking i was ugly and worthless. it's taken a long time to get this low, and it will take a long time to get back up. these flies and cobwebs are deep inside. it doesn't just take one person telling me how beautiful i am. i need convincing.

which is where this song comes in.

i will make you believe you are lovely.

"make you believe."

tyler isn't satisfied with a simple "you're beautiful don't do this." he's willing to work for it. 

i never had anybody like that.

the first time i heard this song, i cried and cried. nobody had ever taken the time to convince me of my worth. nobody had cared that much before.

so, if you're reading this, i want to be that person for you. i want to be the person that you never had, that i never had, that tyler has been for me.

you are lovely as heck, and i won't stop saying it until you believe it. i know it sucks. gosh, it sucks so much. it hurts. sometimes it feels like there's no way out. i had a night like that last night. but it gets better. this won't hold you down forever. please don't let it. you are frigging lovely, beautiful, perfect in every way, and i want to make you believe it. in whatever way necessary.